Vinyl siding and the Senior Citizen

Painting the exterior of our house is something I truly dread. I don’t like to paint the house myself and I don’t like paying someone else to paint it. I just can’t win.

When we moved into this house it was covered with wood siding painted blue. Most of the siding had deteriorated to a point where it needed to be replaced and then repainted. Knowing that I was going to hate painting this house every few years, I started looking into an alternative to paint. Elaine and I settled on vinyl siding. We cover every inch of the exterior of this house in vinyl or pre-finished metal. We were never going to paint again.

The vinyl siding worked pretty well. That was until something broke a piece of the siding by the front door. That gave the dogs a place to chew and grab. They worked at it until they had removed and destroyed an area of siding about 5’x 5’.

Elaine went to the internet and found a vinyl siding repair company. She scheduled an appointment. The representative of the company called Elaine the morning of the appointment. He was sick and needed to reschedule. They agreed to meet in another two days. This time Elaine was sick. It made sense for me to take Elaine’s place.

I called the representative.

Me: Bruce, it would work better for me to meet in the store.

Bruce: It would better for me to meet there, also.

Me: Great, when would you like to meet?

Bruce: I can be there anytime.

Me: I am in the store now, why don’t you come now.

Bruce: Oh, there’s no way I can come now.

Me: Ok, when can you be here?

Bruce: Anytime.

Me: Oh my God, How about at 11:00?

Bruce: OK

At 11:00 a guy (Bruce) enters the store.

Me: Can I help you?

Bruce: I’m supposed to meet someone.

Me: About siding? That’s me. (I handed Bruce a piece of the siding the dogs removed from the house)

He took the siding and looked at me. He just stood there.

Me: You’re kind of quiet. (No response) You’re making me nervous.

Bruce: This siding is dirty.

Me: Really? I guess it is because it was on the outside of a house. Can you match it?

Bruce: Well, this is a premium siding that attaches like……and then…….and then…..

Me: (interrupting) Bruce that’s great. Can you match it and fix my house?

Bruce: I will call you late this afternoon to tell you how much it will cost.

Bruce didn’t call back. I asked Elaine to call him because I didn’t seem to be able to talk to him. Elaine called. Bruce informed Elaine he could match the siding but we would need to buy the minimum amount of 200 sq. feet. ($500) He would need to drive up to the house and actually look at the damage to prepare a labor price. (Do you think?) That was about the time he changed his mind about working for us and told Elaine that he would sell us the siding, but her husband (Me? Monner?) was rude to him and he didn’t want to work for us.

Elaine told me the bad news. I told Elaine I needed to call him because I wanted the sample back.

Me: Bruce, sorry you thought I was rude. I would like to get my sample back.

Bruce: Life is too short to work for an……

Me: (interrupting) Bruce, don’t go there. Just tell me where to get my sample back.

Bruce: I’ve already wasted too much gas on this project…..

Me: (interrupting) where do you want me to meet you?

Bruce: Can you meet me around Windsor (a town 15 miles away)

Me: OK, where at?

Bruce: I said around Windsor . You know, WINDsor .

Me: Where in WINDsor ? (This is where I really surprised myself by biting my tongue)

We agree to meet in a grocery store parking lot. Of course he didn’t show up. I called him five times. I had resigned myself to the fact that I had lost my sample, when I received a text message on my phone. Yep, it was from Bruce.

Bruce’s text: Your siding sample is lying by the light post at the southeast corner of the parking lot.

This was a get it off your chest story. I found the siding at the Orange Depot. 200 sq. ft. of siding will cost $200. Bruce, you are right, life is too short to work with an %^&*^!

Our crazy lives!

Monner

PS If you are wondering how this relates to a yarn store, I was wearing wool while I was talking to Bruce.