August 2.0

Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, keep August rollin’. Before I get into August, AGAIN, let’s talk about healthcare. No, I promised Elaine, when I started writing this stuff, I would not talk politics. She actually said I couldn’t WRITE about politics. However, she said nothing about talking, about politics and I‘ve learned my lesson. I’ve been blocked on social media by at least two people that I went to high school with, that didn’t talk to me in high school either. I haven’t talked to a friend I’ve had since the third grade in elementary school for the last three years. It seems we felt differently about the importance of the color of the president’s hair.

Anyway, we were going to talk about healthcare. I am old enough to remember my brothers and I didn’t always go to the doctor, sometimes he came to our house. As most of you know I am the middle child of five boys. My mom didn’t drive until I was a toddler. If she couldn’t get us to the doctor, Dr. Hilliard came to us.

My parents had Dr. Hilliard’s personal phone number and they used it, Night or day, I remember vividly sitting next to my dad on the arm of his chair watching the evening news. I fell off the chair hitting my head on a table, splitting my head open. My parents called Dr. Hilliard at home. He opened his office to meet my parents to stitch my wound.

I can’t see that happening today. As a matter of fact, I have a story. I have overworked my many year's old body. I have what others believe is a pinched nerve. It should be determined by an MRI this week.

After much deliberation with myself, I decided to call my current health care provider. I was greeted by a recorded message instructing me to press #1 to make an appointment. After pressing #1, I was greeted with a message giving me the latest beervirus rules and regulations. . Masks are mandatory, have you had a fever, chills, cough, have you traveled outside the country, have you been tested for beervirus, and have you been around anyone with beervirus. They could have shortened the message, by simply stating, if you think you have beervirus, don’t bring that (construction language) in here.

Soon, the beervirus rules message was over. The best twenty minutes of my young life. Next, you are directed to press the number to speak with a live person.

Live Person: What is the purpose of this call? Me: I would like to make an appointment with Dr._______ Person: Dr. ________ is booked for the next three weeks, I suggest you try our UrgentCare.

Dr. Hilliard just rolled over in his grave.

I eventually went to UrgentCare, not Dr. _______’s, but another one, the big one. I might have waited a little too long. My condition deteriorated a little bit. I was given pain killers and muscle relaxants. I was told they may make you a little groggy; I can’t be groggy. I took the pills when I could, but not often. By the way, they never made me groggy. The PA at UrgentCare told me to make an appointment with my primary care doctor. I wanted to tell them he died about thirty years ago. I didn’t feel like explaining it to them. I made an appointment with one of the eighty-six doctors at my healthcare provider. Luckily, it was Dr.________.

I was finally seeing Dr. _________. He had me touch my toes. I could, almost. He asked me to twist left, then right. I did. He said, “Man you’re stiff, Let’s use the meds and wait a couple of days to see if you loosen up.” I’m not going to mention, Dr. ________ told me the muscles of my butt were tight, but I did thank him for noticing.

Two days later, I was in extreme pain, from my waist to my knees. People say kidney stones are painful. Being a veteran of both, I’ll take kidney stones. I decided I needed a visit to an emergency room. Do you guys remember it’s August? At the emergency room, I received IV steroids and painkillers. Everything in the room started moving from the floor to the ceiling. It was the most fun I’ve had in weeks. Elaine, the ultimate party pooper, told me nothing was moving.

Taking a step back, maybe I wasn’t in that much pain after all. I have been to Wyoming several times this year with the goal of photographing a moose. One the way to the emergency room three miles from my house is a moose walking down the road. I stopped to photograph her.

I achieved my summer goal. In August. I photographed a moose. It was with my phone but I still photographed a moose.

At the emergency room, I was attended to by a nurse and a PA. That of course happened after everyone in the room discussed their knitting projects with Elaine. Eventually, I was introduced to a physical therapist. I was asked the same questions as I was asked in Dr. ______’s office, plus a couple more. My favorite question was, “Do you have a walker at home?” I wanted to answer, “Well, yes I do. I keep it next to my fire extinguisher, flashlight, and matches.”

She then asked, “Can you walk across the room?” She tied a strap around my waist; she said it was to catch me if I fell. I wondered which one of us received the IV painkillers, she wasn’t going to keep me from falling with a strap around my waist.

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you about the physical therapist’s tiny house. Before attending to me she became Elaine’s best friend of the day. Elaine and the therapist were chatting and looking at pictures of a tiny house she lived in before moving to Texas and then back to Colorado, while I was watching the furniture move up towards the ceiling.

Finally, the therapist attended to me. She taught me how to get into bed. I already knew how to get in bed, but it was the thought that counts. She suggested I sign up for physical therapy. I thought that might be a good idea.

Therapist: You will need a referral. Me: Where do I get that? Therapist: You get those from your primary care doctor. Me: I wanted to tell her he’s dead, but I didn’t. Therapist: Is there anything you want me to tell your nurse? Me (Deep thought): Yeah, tell her I miss her.

I called Dr. _______’s office. Beervirus instructions, wait for a live person.

Person: How can we help you? Me: I need a referral for physical therapy. Person: I’m sorry you will need to be seen by a doctor. Me: Okay, can I see Dr. _______. Person: No, he’s booked. You can see Dr. ---------- Friday at 3:00. Me: Great.

Another doctor. “Can you touch your toes? Turn this way, turn that way. Let’s try these meds. I’m going to order an MRI. Are you claustrophobic? We’ll contact your insurance.”

It’s not over folks. Hopefully, it will be over by September.

One more quick story. I have said before things happen to me that don’t happen to anyone else. I was alone in the waiting room waiting for my referral appointment. A lady appeared in the waiting room coming from the exam rooms. Just her and me. I’m guessing she had twenty years on me. She was short, well dressed, very grandmother-ish. She had a large bedazzled beervirus mask. It must have weighed ten pounds. There was absolutely no way beervirus could penetrate that mask with all that bedazzling.

She walked up to me, very unsure of herself.

After standing in front of me for a few seconds, she asked, “Excuse me, but would you be a witness for my living will?”

Me: What?

Lady: They said I need to get it filled out quickly.

By now they are calling for me to go to the exam rooms.

Lady: Please just sign on the line. Me: Do you have a pen?

I found the witness signature line and signed the paper. Honestly, I don’t know if I signed away the deed to my house. She was so nice and no one wearing a bedazzled mask could be dishonest. She reminded me I needed to fill out my address. I filled out her paper while the nurse impatiently waited. The lady thanked and God Blessed me. It could only happen to me, in August.

Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’.

The purpose of these stories is to introduce you to the wonderful world of fiber. Buy yarn. Your Daily Fiber is open online 24/7.

Our crazy lives!

Monner