Football

I don’t usually write more than one story per week. Truth be told, I have a fear that one day I could actually run out of stories. Gathering research for stories when the twins were young was, frankly, quite easy. When the twins’ antics weren’t story-worthy, something would happen in my construction world that would give me the idea I needed for Sunday morning. No construction stories, I always had Your Daily Fiber to fall back on.

I wrote a story yesterday carrying out my obligation to the masses, but I have another story that I have been looking for the appropriate time to tell. This story has been growing (festering) in my mind for the last few months.

I suggest you get a fresh drink because it is going to take me a while to set this story up.

If you have read between the lines in my recent stories, you might know that I injured my back. I cannot walk more than ten feet without the assist from two aluminum Wally World crutches. The doctors tell me with a semi-stressful surgery, I can expect a full recovery. Turns out I need to get the stars in alignment to schedule the surgery. We are working on that, what the (construction language), I was told I can’t be on a construction project, anyway. Oh well, the attorneys can sort that out.

Not all of this chain of events is bad. With the twins living their own lives, Your Daily Fiber sales are what we expected, no new construction stories, the silver lining is Elaine and I are spending more time alone.

Another quick back story.

I love football. Not the football where guys in short shorts and girls with pink hair, kick a ball back and forth until everyone is bored and goes home. I like good old American football with all the knocking someone's (construction language) in the dirt.

That said I like(d) playing football more than watching football. In fact, I haven’t watched football in years. When a professional football player had his pregnant fiancé shot as she drove down a highway, I was done with all of it. I know that was just one player and most are great guys, but I was just sick of it. Turns out I might have been more right than wrong. Now the players are political advocates, they seem to think it is unfair to get paid millions to play a game. I see no need to support any of it. Elaine has NEVER watched football, although her parents loved television football.

OK, forget about football.

With my back situation, I find myself watching more television. More television with Elaine. We have a couple of televisions in our home and for the last twenty years or so Elaine and I have never watched the same television at the same time. Elaine likes murder, shoot ‘em up TV, and I like to laugh. The more ridiculous the show, the better.

With my inability to walk much, I find myself watching more television than I ever had. Even more unusual, Elaine is watching with me. Elaine has me watching the most violent show I have ever imagined. Some modern-day cowboy show where everyone kills someone of their choosing using whatever weapon is handy at the time.

I have Elaine watching “Friends” Even more strange, we have been watching football on Sundays. Elaine seems to enjoy it. Me? Not sure.

Oh, we’ve watched football together before; in person. We watched our kids play. The only time I rode in an ambulance was with Boy twin in the back as we were leaving a middle school football game.

The very first game the Broncos played in their new (now old) stadium, I received tickets from a contractor friend of mine. Box seats! It started to rain before the game. Elaine and I had a choice to get wet or sit Inside protected from the rain. We chose to go home before the first quarter was over. Look it up, the Broncos were playing the Washington (Offensives, but they were not Offensive back then).

Elaine is very interested in football and has a strong sense of fairness. I spend the afternoon explaining the rules of football she doesn’t understand. Honestly, I don’t have the answers to all of Elaine’s questions.

Elaine: Why is the grass greener from the fifty-yard line to the thirty-five-yard line? Me: I don’t know.

Elaine: Did you notice the Giant's helmets are a matte finish and the other guys have gloss? Me: I’ve never noticed.

Elaine: The horns on the Viking helmets don’t look right to me. Me: You should write them.

Elaine: Does Aaron Rodgers look homeless to you? Me: I guess I can see that.

Elaine: Is it a penalty to pull hair? Me: I have never seen it done. Elaine: I think it should be.

Elaine: Did that cheater win the Super Bowl again? Me: Tom Brady? Elaine: Yes, that guy. Me: Yes (We didn’t watch) Elaine: Does he still play for the Buchanans? Me: Buccaneers? Elaine: Yeah, that’s it

I need to have surgery and get back outside.

Our crazy lives!

Monner